The question of who we are is a journey to an unknown destination, yet we are who we choose to believe that we are familiar with this destination. We choose this because it is ultimately what keeps us growing and going. It is a sign of hope.
Hope that keeps us holding on even though we can’t see the end of the tunnel. We grasp that hope because it is all we have till we finally end up where we are supposed to be.
Welcome to a world of me, on a mission to find out who I am. I am Becoming.
All of it.
The rise and fall, the pain and victory
This book is born out of pain, confusion, betrayal, and scars that run deep.
From a place where I only hear my voice as I navigate murky waters to victory.
This is not a tell-all but a must-tell.
Title: On Becoming- A Must Tell
Author: Toke Makinwa
Category: Non- Fiction/ Memoir
This book was my last read last year. I got it from my book club ‘The Read Club,’ which is an online Twitter book club where members get to vote for a book that will be read over the week and discuss the same on Sundays, at 20:00hrs GMT +1.
On Becoming is more of a memoir by Toke Makinwa; a media and Youtube personality in Nigeria (make sure you check her out). She discloses about her struggle in an abusive relationship and how she had to come to terms with the death of her parents, following a tragic home accident at a very tender age.
Reading through the book one can’t help but question why in the world, would an independent, go-getter young lady put up with all that was coming her way. It was so obvious that Maje (her ex-husband) was of no good, and neither did he add value to her, but Toke put up with him regardless!!
At one point I couldn’t keep up with the story, I remember I had to put the book away and concentrate on my exams but upon seeing fellow club members sharing their thoughts on the book, I just had to give it a chance. Hoping that at some point Toke will finally find herself and realize her worth, and walk out-of-the damn Godforsaken toxic relationship!
There are times you read a book which leaves you asking questions and it takes control of how you view people and things around you; Toke Makinwa’s ‘On Becoming’ just did that to me.
Sadly enough, this was a real life event book. Like, all the betrayal, loss and hurt actually happened.
What’s worse is the fact that Toke kept holding on because at the back of her mind, Maje was the only person who knew her best. The thought of how she had invested her time on the relationship, and how society places the burden of making a marriage work on women; condemns them when it doesn’t work. You’d think we are living in the medieval times when women were still blamed for being barren and stuff.
I can’t comprehend on how bitter I was when reading this book and something didn’t go as I anticipated, or when someone would cross my path. It took me a while to realize that it was because I was sharing in Toke’s pain; I felt I was on the same roller-coaster with her. This book literally took a toll on me
Letting go for us women is usually hard which I totally related with Toke but is staying in a violent relationship any easier? I’m glad that Toke finally realized her worth and walked out of the relationship to pursue her career and work on loving herself. Accepting herself and more so forgiving herself.
I pray and wish that the women in our societies who are going through the same marriage/ relationship struggles, will one day walk out of relationships that destroy them more than it builds them up and that society won’t blame them or judge their actions. For the record, am not advocating for divorce in anyway.
‘On Becoming’ goes to show that the oppression of women in present day societies is still so much alive! May we break from these myths and stereotypes that are killing us and diminishing female value.
May we learn to appreciate the women around us more? From the nannies, to mothers, sisters, girlfriends, workmates and wives. May we ordain them the respect they deserve?
I know I’ve come hard on this but yes somethings shouldn’t be taken lightly anymore. Enough with the emotional torture and physical abuse we subject females to! ENOUGH!! (Am literally screaming this at the top of my voice) What if all these was to be flipped and let’s say it’s your mother, sister or daughter who’s on the receiving end, will you smile and walk away? Will you applaud these acts? ( I love what India Arie says in her song, ‘Talk to her.’ Yes that’s someone’s daughter, sister and mother). Okay I need to stop. But honestly, let’s take my uproar into account.
That said, I wish to recommend this book to those who are patient (because honestly, you might get bored with the first chapters) and those who may be judging the women that found courage to leave abusive and toxic relationships (yes! You with your pointing finger)!